Above, you will see my view from this past weekend. It was much cooler than the Mississippi temps that I'm used to, so that was all of the exploring and looking that I did. Mikki and I did see people running and walking the trails from our sliding glass door, but we are more of sleepers than exercisers. I'm sure that they all really loved having such a beautiful place to enjoy the outdoors.
While I missed my fellow Korea mamas, the retreat was wonderful. Only knowing about three people (out of 450) there, made me take the initiative to meet knew people and find out about some of the other countries' programs. Very interesting to say the least. There are so many strong women who attend Created for Care. I struggle many days with parenting one child, keeping up with house work, my job, and being a wife and these women are super heroes with 10+ kids. After talking with many mothers to big families, I better understand how it works. You do without more material things, but the love you experience on a daily basis makes up for all of that plus some. Your routine and lifestyle is different, but as they prove, it is doable. I will say that I believe God instills in those ladies and gentlemen a special ability to handle big families, especially those with children who have significant special needs. Just like many people do not understand why anyone would want to adopt, many of us do not understand how big families work. I'm glad to have a better understanding of all of this now.
Since being pregnant, I hear the following so many times, "You must have thought you couldn't get pregnant." No, just the opposite. We did have some trouble before deciding to adopt, but we were never told that. Just the opposite, in fact. Just yesterday in the doctor's office, I was asked that very same question. Followed by, "I just couldn't love a child that was born to a dead beat mom." Meaning, "I couldn't love a baby that I did not give birth to." I guess Jesus was still with me strong from the weekend and I did not get mad at her or say anything ugly in return. I just followed with, "Adoption isn't for everyone. It is certainly something that has be be placed on your heart." She agreed and seemed to understand what I was saying without me lighting into her like the mama bear we can all sometimes be. You see, she wasn't trying to offend me or make me question my family's decision. She was only being honest with me. There are so many things in this world that people do that we do not understand. This is a perfect example of why we should not judge others for their decisions in anything they do. We do not know what is placed on their hearts while we are thinking "I could never do that" or "why in the world would they do that" or "they are ruining their family by doing that." Things that seem so routine and easy for one family, might seem like the biggest hardship in the world to other people. Many times we will never understand why, but we don't have to. It isn't our place to and it really isn't any of our business. Love, support, and prayer that God will continue to provide others with what they need to keep going is all we should be concerned with. (By the way, I thought I'd be the only pregnant lady at the conference and stick out like a sore thumb, but we were everywhere!)
So, be careful with your words, people. Just because you do not understand something, doesn't give the right to question it aloud in a hurtful way. Questions are okay, but it is never okay to question with a tone of disbelief, disgust, or anger. Humans are sensitive creatures, whether we want to admit it or not, especially when the topic is something so personal and close to the heart.
Here are a few things I took away from the weekend:
Anything that is ignored, disappears.
This can be your relationship with God, with your husband, with your friends, etc. It can be hobbies, traditions, or anything else that we can get too busy and ignore.
Think God.
Jesus didn't die for religion. He died for a relationship. Take time with Him every day. If only for 5 minutes while you are blow drying your hair.
Proverbs
A gentle answer will calm a person's anger, but an unkind answer will cause more anger.
The Lord's eyes see everything that happens. He watches both good & evil people...but he is pleased with the honest person's prayer.
Happiness makes a person smile, but sadness breaks a person's spirit.
It is better to be poor and respect the Lord than to be wealthy and have much trouble.
A wise son makes his father happy, but a foolish person hates his mother.
**A person may think up plans, but the Lord decides what he will do.**
Do not criticize. Do not cause others to sin.
In relationships, get intentional - not defensive or offensive.
Live your own story, not in everyone else's. Take time away from social media! Give that time back to the ones you love.
Be on the same page/team as your spouse.
"You are a small woman, who is love by a big God, who is for your family, for the world, and for eternity" - Susan Hillis
It is easier to heal or fix a young child rather than to fix or heal a grown man or woman. - S.H.
It is only our job to love BIG.
Do not be afraid. Fear is always from the enemy. Never from God.
Every day, choose joy.
Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow is not here yet. We need daily bread and today's light.
Valuing marriage - Trust based parenting begins with a connected marriage. Provide an example of healthy, connected relationships to your children.
Learn to value relationships AND the value of relationships.
Confront the enemies of connection. (SAFE) Shame, anger, fear, and embarrassment
Anger - It happens, but in your anger - do not sin. It creates distance.
Let things go. When it is over, let it be over.
Learn to say you are sorry. Be humble. Do not hold grudges. Make amends and fix things that are wrong. We do not always get it right, but we can make it right.
Until next year's retreat.
XOXO,
Stacy
