Bye-Bye 2010

As I begin to type this blog, I keep reading this scripture:
In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:6

Wow, that sums up our year!

The Benefield household has seen some major changes in 2010.  Some have been wonderful, and some have been tragic.  As this year closes, I realize how blessed we are and know that some day we will understand the reasoning for the bumps in the road we call life.

Here's a recap :)

November 2009

17th - We have a son!

January 2010

We received new photos of John McRae on January 11th!  We went for our FBI fingerprinting, and Homeland Security fingerprinting, met with our wonderful social worker at Catholic Charities, had our septic tank inspected, attended our Pre-Adopt class where we met the Daniel and O'Mara families. :)  We received two medical reports for John McRae in January! 

Daniel, Grandma Johnson and I went to North Carolina to see Emma and her boys.  We had a lovely time, and even got to spend some time with Jeremiah's sweet family, too.

Daddy didn't go, and Daniel didn't make the picture...but this is Grandma and I leaving out for NC!

 What a busy month January was!

February 2010

Daniel joined the 29 club!

Daniel's FBI fingerprints were approved, but mine were not.  I had to resubmit clearer prints...  We received 2 medical reports for John McRae this month.

March 2010

Happy FIRST birthday John McRae!

April 2010

Stacy's FBI fingerprints were FINALLY approved and our home study was sent to Holt!  What a relief!!!

We attended a PBR event in NOLA Easter weekend.  We had a blast, and made memories that will last a life time. :)

May 2010

We received our acceptance email from Holt on the 4th, and received our legals on the 13th!  This was a very exciting month because our EP was submitted, too, on the 27th!

Stacy had a birthday, and it was a great one spent with friends.  Amy brought me a delicious ice cream cake, too!

My sweet husband took me to the beach for my birthday!  It was a fabulous weekend, and we had a lot of fun.  We both love the beach, and our whole trip consisted of "next year, John McRae will be here with us playing in the sand!"

June 2010

Our I-600 was approved on the 25th and WE GOT EP APPROVAL ON THE 28TH! 

July 2010

Emma helped me put together nursery furniture.  

We had Grandma Johnson a birthday party and it was a lot of fun!

July was a tough month, and I thank all of my friends and family for pulling me through it!  A special thanks to Emma, Tracy, Amy and Allyson.  You four kept me from going completely insane during the last part of our wait for Travel Call!

August 2010

I started writing in this blog a little more in August.  For my MIL's birthday, we took a day trip to the beach.  We had a lot of fun walking the beautiful beach, shopping in Foley and eating at my favorite place - Doc's!

August was a busy month, to say the least.  We thought we might get our Travel Call last week in July, or first week in August, but we didn't...  The month of August was spent staying busy and preparing for John McRae's arrival home on August 26th!

August was full of blessings, my mom's tests came back that she was one year CANCER FREE.  Praise the Lord!!!

September 2010 - October 2010

is a blur.

Stacy spent about 9 weeks as a SAHM, learning the ropes of being a mom.  I wouldn't trade these two months for ANYTHING, but I do wish I could remember more about them.  So much, so fast...  I do remember the best part of all, though.  Hearing my baby boy call me "Mama"...wow.  I need to go back and read my blogs, so that I can take it all in and process it all.  So, here's my tip for all of you waiting on your babies to come home...WRITE IT DOWN! :)

During these two months, I lost three precious loved ones.  My Grandpa, our cat - Trina and my sweet Tuff. 

 I sure miss this precious face meeting me at the door everyday.  Ok, now I'm wiping tears. =*(

We had our first post placement visit with our social worker.

October 2010

John McRae started daycare at the end of October and I went back to work full time. 

November 2010

November was a quiet month, but we did enjoy Thanksgiving and John McRae met more family.

December 2010

December has been a very busy month.  We've seen lots of family, and enjoyed the holiday season more than we can ever remember.  It was kind of odd to actually have the Christmas spirit again.  We've not taken down our Christmas tree, and I'm not sure that I'm ready for the holiday to be over with!  We went to Roanoke, AL to see my FIL's family and John McRae rode well and put on a show for his new family.  We were so proud of how well he did on the 5 hour drive, sleeping and eating in a strange place and meeting new people!  We saw most all of our family over the holidays, and that made the holiday so special.  We love our families and are so grateful for them. 

And we will be bringing in the New Year at my favorite place this year.  Fireworks, shopping, Christmas lights, and seafood!

What a wonderful way to end a wonderful year! 

Now that I've tried to think back and remember the highlights of 2010, I more than ever see the importance of blogging!  I know I've left out lots of very important things.  So, if you remember something remind me of it! :)

Here's my resolution list!
1.) Let God have complete control and use me to do His work.

2.) Make sure my family and friends know how much they mean to me and do nice things for them every chance I get.

3.) Make healthy choices

4.) Blog More

Happy New Year!
The Benefields

All I want for Christmas,

is for every one to be healthy!  Seems like we've been passing a sore throat, mucus, etc. around our house for the past couple months.  It's like a never ending cycle.  Lord, please bless us with healthy bodies and a Merry Christmas!

Over the weekend, we went with my in-laws to Daniel's Granny's house in Roanoke, AL.  We were quite nervous about this trip, because John McRae isn't real fond of riding long distances.  He was wonderful, though.  It's about a 4.5 hour drive both ways, and he managed much better than the rest of us!  No whining on his part at all.  We were all so proud of him.  Being the little comedian he is, he provided lots of entertainment.  He's so funny, and so darn cute!  We did watch Barney Goes to the Farm about 3498456468796 times....

Last night, we had Christmas with the Linn family.  I enjoy spending as much time with them as I can, but it makes me miss them so much when they are back in NC and we are in MS.  The boys had fun opening their gifts, and playing.  The adults enjoyed gift opening, but I think we could all agree that watching the kiddos was the best part!

Tonight, we will enjoy more Johnson family time, but sadly, several will be absent due to sickness and the loss of a loved one.  We will miss those who aren't there, but will definitely be thinking of them and praying for them. 

John McRae has done so well since joining our family, and even at first when people told me that the change in him would be unreal within four months, I thought...he can't get any better.  He's perfect.  I see all of his wonderful personality.  He loves us already, and he knows we are Mommy & Daddy...  Well, I can tell a huge difference since Thanksgiving.  He was a bit stand-off-ish (is that a word?!?) around a large number of people Thanksgiving, but it seems that since then, he is more secure and is just enjoying being loved by all of his new family and friends!

I do think I need to give our wonderful daycare credit for some of that progress, though.  John McRae has the best teacher, and the rest of the staff is wonderful, too.  =)

I think I'll go eat some Christmas cookies now to see if it will make my head unstop. ;)

Merry Christmas! 

He Is Mine

A sweet adoption poem, acknowledging that our children are entrusted to us by God.

By Valerie Kay Gwin, from Chicken Soup for the Adopted Soul

I tiptoed into your room one night.

I watched you sleeping there.

Your tiny body looked so snug

Wrapped in peaceful slumber's care.

I thought of how you came to be

The child we'd longed to know.

I wondered at the sight of you:

"How could she let you go?"

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I

Felt the pain she must have known.

For I will have to let you go

Some day when you are grown.

A mother I might never meet

Had given me her son.

Yet, surely as you've filled my heart,

A piece of hers you'd won.

"How could she let you go?"

The question kept returning.

And in the depths of my own heart.

A question kept on burning.

"How can I ever let you go

When years have come and gone?"

I stood there by your crib until

The nighttime turned to dawn.

And as the sun peeked through the shades,

The voice of God broke through.

"I trusted her to give him life

And now I'm trusting to you.

"To show him what is right and wrong,

to love him and to be

The one who teaches him the way

To come back home to me.

"He wasn't hers to give, you know.

And he's not yours to own.

I've placed him in your life to love

But he is mine … on loan."

Today is John McRae's Christmas party at school.  I'd love to see him and his friends enjoying snacks, opening presents and having fun!  He was so cute in his Christmas shirt this morning.   D & I love that boy so much that we can't even put it into words!  We are so blessed by having John McRae as our son!

Lots of fun stuff coming in the next two weeks, and I'm so excited about it!  I can't wait to see family, friends and enjoy delicious food!  We are especially excited because this is our first Christmas as a family of three, and we know that it is going to be extra, extra special!

Merry Christmas everyone :)

Thanks Leah for making us this Korean flag ornament.  It is so special to our family. =)







First Christmas Home - Ornament

Our ornament came today!

John McRae loves animals, especially cows!

So, this one was perfect for us.

I love it. =)

Dieting during the holidays

STINKS!

So for all of my fellow dieters, I will put a little humor into it.

Let's help each other stay motivated when it is too cold to exercise and it is much easier to snuggle up with a good movie, a package of Oreos and a big glass of milk!

I want my New Year's resolution to be something meaningful,

 not to lose 10 lbs!

Holiday Diet

The following diet is designed to help you cope with the stress, paranoia, depression and delusion that builds during the holidays...
Breakfast:
1/2 grapefruit


1 slice whole wheat toast


8 oz. skim milk


Lunch:
4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast


1 cup steamed spinach


1 cup herb tea


1 Oreo cookie


Mid-Afternoon snack:
The rest of Oreos in the package


2 pints Rocky Road ice cream, nuts, cherries and whipped cream


1 jar hot fudge sauce


Dinner:
2 loaves garlic bread


4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke


1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza


3 Snickers bars


Late Evening News:


Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)


RULES FOR THIS DIET:


If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.


If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.


When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.


Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.


If you fatten up everyone else around you then you look thinner.


Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. Examples: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls.


Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.


Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.


Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed potatoes.


Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.


Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.


Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (We ALL know how calories like to cling!)




Now, I'm going to go look on Weight Watchers to see what I can eat tonight at D's Christmas party...

*Merry Christmas!*

Stacy

December, already?!?

Wow!  I can't believe that it is already December.  It seems like once the first day of December rolls around, the year is over.  We all become so busy that the month flies by in a blur.  It's only the 7th and we have something to do every weekend until the end of the year, and some week nights as well. 

So, I'm going to put my big girl panties on and deal with it...and try to enjoy it!

D & I went shopping for JMc's Christmas gifts on Saturday and it was a very successful trip.  Although, the stores are already picked through.  I'm glad to have that behind us with our calendar filling up for the month so quickly.  I already have the gifts wrapped, too! =)  D & I do not plan to exchange gifts this year, and could care less if we get any material gifts this Christmas.  We got the best gift of all on August 26th, 2010!

D shopped sick on Saturday, and then was very sick on Sunday.  John McRae was sickly as well.  Thank God they are both feeling better!

I'm especially happy that I'll get to see the Linn's this month!  I'm so ready!  We miss them so much.  We will start Christmas early with my dad's side of the family, and I can't wait to have everyone together.  Daniel and I were blessed with wonderful folks whome we love very much!  Good food and good company, always!  My mom and Grandma will come Christmas day and stay the night.  We'll also see all of D's family on Christmas. 
 I'm hoping for Christmas Eve with my dad, too!

I'm also very happy for several of my adoption friends who've received good news in the past couple weeks!  Some will bring their babies home just in time for Christmas!  What a wonderful gift. =)Lots of exciting things have happened lately.  John McRae has more and more personallity every day!  He is a little comedian and loves to dance and play.  We enjoy him so much.  He's such a blessing.  He's been such a good boy, that Mama and Daddy bought him some new wheels to ride in!  I'll miss my Cadillac, but we all ride much more comfortably in this mommy mobile.  He's such a little prince, we must treat him as so!

I'm also very excited for my dear friend, Allyson, and her family who welcomed Miss Harley into the world last week.  I've still not met her, but I surely can't wait!  She is the prettiest little thang!

It's cold in MS this morning.  Snow is a possibility around 10AM.  I'm not holding my breath, but I would love a white Christmas this year!  We've seen so many miracles this year, so I think there might be a chance...

My boy wasn't digging the cold this morning, or the getting out of bed.  This is not his happy face!

Here is a photo of JMc's photo with Santa in his fabulous Mud Pie frame.

Here is our Christmas tree.  Note, it does not have any ornaments with any value or meaning.  It's not worth the risk of JMc breaking them! ;)

Merry CHRISTmas

And I sure have been missing this sweet baby everyday.  It seems like I miss him more and more each day. =*(

Sorry for ending such an upbeat post on such a sad note, but I'm reminded of my best friend, Tuff, everyday.  It still cuts deap and I cry for him everyday...just like right now.

To make up for it, I'll leave you with this picture that is sure to make you smile. :)

So Thankful.

During this time of year, I always reflect back on the things in my life that I've been blessed with.  The last few years have had some highs, but have had very many lows.  Since August 26th, all of our hard times seem to make a little more sense.  This year, I'm more thankful than I have ever been.  I have family and friends that love me, and I love them.  My husband is perfect for me, and our son is a blessing from God.  To Him, I am thankful for so much more than I deserve.

Each day, I understand more and more why things have happened, and even though the hard times still cut deep, I am thankful.  After a conversation with a wonderful friend yesterday, I am trying to find the words to express how I feel and to further share our adoption story.  I'm going to give it a shot...

Daniel and I met a family at the dirt track, of all places, who had two beautiful Korean girls, along with a handsome biological son.  At first glance, I looked at Daniel and a cousin that was there with us and said, "I have to go talk to that lady."  I knew in my heart right then, that our dream to adopt wasn't just a passion, it could be a reality.  So, I approached the mother of the three beautiful children and realized right off of the bat that she was just who I needed to meet, at the exact right time.  God was a big part of her family's life, and He had led them to Holt International and to the Korea program.  She told her family's story to Daniel and I, and gave us the Holt website.  Two weeks later, I went to the website and saw two little boys that grabbed my attention.  One little boy already had a family who had decided to proceed with his adoption, and the other little boy was still waiting for a family.  I called Daniel and told him about the two little boys, took a picture of the picture of Bak Ha-su with my phone, and sent it to him.  He told me to go for it.  So, I filled out the Waiting Child application.  I received the file on both little boys, and was told if we wanted to proceed on the little boy who already had a family, we could, but we would have to go before committee with that family.  Daniel and I had already agreed that if a family had already agreed to proceed, we would not step in their way.  This other little boy is precious, and we felt that he was just right for our family.  The next day, I took Bak Ha-su's file to have it reviewed by a local doctor.  He is not a pediatrician, but I trust him, and he said he saw nothing serious in his file.  I immediately called Daniel, and then immediately called Holt. And emailed them. ;)  Holt told me that two more families had Bak Ha-su's file, and they would have two weeks to decide if they, too, wanted to proceed with his adoption.  A few days later, there was only one family left to decide.  Almost two weeks later, we received word that that the other family had declined to proceed, and we did not have to go before committee.  I asked why the other family backed out, and Holt could not tell me.  I did ask if it was a medical reason, and was told, "no."  It didn't make sense, but it was such a relief.  We knew we wanted Ha-su to a part of our family and didn't understand why it would take another family two weeks to decide, when we knew immediately?!?  Bak Ha-su was our son, and that was exactly what we wanted to hear!  Through this whole process, we have said how blessed we were, and how God had his hand in our adoption the entire time.  Most families have to go before committee, and do not get the first couple of children that they fall in love with.  Yes, you do fall in love with those referral pictures...almost immediately!  Everything in our process, besides the wait and my anxieties, were perfect.  Looking back, it was such a smooth ride.  I think it was easier because we were so ignorant of the adoption process.  We didn't know to be looking for legals, EP submission, I-600 Approvals, Visa Physicals, etc.  Last Thanksgiving and Christmas were hard.  First, because we were no longer pregnant.  Second, because our son was in Korea experiencing his first major holidays with someone else.  I am now thankful that John McRae got to experience his 100 day celebration, first Christmas, first birthday in his birth country with his amazing foster family.  I'm thankful that he can always have that, and that I can always have the photos of those special times.  I'm so happy to know that I have that picture of him in his fancy red outfit, his foster mother, and a nun in front on a manger scene in South Korea.  His foster family loved him dearly, provided for him, took him everywhere and shaped him into the wonderful little boy he is.  They deserved those times with him. 

So, back to my conversation yesterday, and a better understanding of that mysterious family. ;)

A week or two before John McRae came home, I received a message from a lady who had also had children adopted from South Korea, and they had also been escorted in to the Memphis airport.  She was very helpful, and I could tell that she and her husband had a huge, Godly heart.  They didn't even know us, but felt led to do nice things for us, to guide us, to make our Family Day perfect.  I've kept in touch with this family, and yesterday, I emailed some recent photos of John McRae to them.  I received an email back that the second photo looked a lot like a child that they had requested a file on.  She couldn't remember his family name, but his name was Ha-su.  I immediately felt chills run up and down my body.  I knew then that, they were the "other family."  So, I emailed back, but also called because I had to know more!  I asked if the family name was Bak, date of birth, and certain other details....AND IT WAS CONFIRMED!  I'd been friends with the other family all of this time!!!  Here's the amazing part.  Even before we received John McRae's file, God was telling this lady's husband that this wasn't their child, he belonged to someone else.  This was a strong feeling that my friend didn't understand.  They had several things going on, and she wanted Ha-su to be her daughter's sibling!  I think it was pretty sticky around there house for a while. :)  During our two week wait on the other family, they got another referral.  That is when we got the call that Ha-su was ours!  See, this family had had John McRae's file for some time, requesting additional medical tests to be done, and I believe they had his file before he made it to the waiting child photo listing.  It takes my breath away to know that God was telling this man that John McRae belonged to us, even before we knew John McRae existed!  That's powerful!  I always felt that John McRae was meant to be ours and that this adoption was His plan for us.  I now know that to be 100% true.  I feel so blessed that we finally put 2 & 2 together, and I understand more and more about our adoption process, and about God's plan for our lives.  It is so amazing that this special family will actually get to know John McRae, and know where the little boy who's picture they fell in love with lives, goes to school, and they can know for sure that he found the perfect forever family who love him very much!  Isn't that amazing! 

While we declined to proceed on a child because a family had already attached to him, this family done the same thing for us.  We had written proof that another family wished to proceed on the other little boy, they just had a gut feeling.  Awesome!

There are so many more specifics I could share, but this is a really emotional time for both of our families.  I probably should have waited until my thoughts were clear, and I could write this with more clarity.  I just couldn't wait.  It's Thanksgiving, a time to be thankful.  We have so much to be thankful for.  This isn't a coincidence.  This is God's work!  We've learned so much, we've made so many friends that we will treasure forever, we've grown up, we've developed a better understanding of our purpose on Earth and we have the most amazing little boy in the entire world!  John McRae's smile is amazing, and he touches so many people's lives in a way they can't explain.  He is a shining light to our family that pulls us through hard times.  He started blessing our lives way before he even made it to MS! 

I ask that all of you who read this who pray, to please pray for North and South Korea.  Things might get really ugly there.  Please pray for the people who live there, run the countries, the babies there awaiting adoption, those who have been matched and are waiting to come home, for the families here who are so worried about their children who are still in Korea and can't bring them home yet and those who will be traveling to and from Korea.  With the anxieties we face in the adoption process, I can't even imagine throwing this worry into the mix. 

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!
Much love,
The Benefields

TGIF!

Yay, it's Friday!  The sad thing is that the thing I'm most looking forward to is cleaning our filthy house tomorrow.  MIL is going to keep the kiddo, and I'm going to roll my sleeves up and get to work!  You know it is bad when you've been looking for your keys for 3 days. 

It's not even Thanksgiving yet, but I'm getting into the Christmas spirit a little.  I know, I know, I'm as bad as Wal-Mart, but at least I'm not already planning for Valentine's Day.  It always gripes a me a little that before you can find what you need for one holiday, it is all pushed to the back to where you can't find it because the merchandise is out for the next two holidays.  I'm too much of a procrastinator to buy that early to take advantage of finding the good stuff.  Anyhoo, back to my "Tis the Season" mood...  I see a lot of people already putting up their tree and other decorations and I think it is great!  Celebrating Christ's birth should always be in season. :)  Most of my shopping is done, just a few more things to pick up.  I usually wait until Christmas Eve, or the day before, but I know my life is way too crazy now for such as that.  So while I'm in the mood, I think we may put up the tree this weekend.  (It's actually in the shed, with lights, decorated, just as it was last Christmas.)  It's also the size of a Charlie Brown tree.  So, it should take all of 5 minutes to get the tree set up, and another 2 months to get in habit of saying, "John McRae!  Do not pull that tree over.  John McRae! Do not take those ornaments off.  John McRae!  Don't eat that.  John McRae! You are going to get electrocuted.  Maybe I should wait a few more weeks...
I'm very optimistic that this Christmas will be much more merry than previous Christmases.  Having a child brings a whole new outlook on celebrating holidays and gives you a little more motivation to go through the motions of it all without complaining that you have to be here, there, and every where all at the same time.  After losing Papa & Tuff so recently, the holiday will be sad in a way, but at least we have precious memories and many other blessings to help keep our head up.  Tuff was our only child for 5 years.  So of course, we always bought for him as any caring parents would do, dressed him up in Christmas clothes for pictures.  Gosh I miss my pup. :*(

For those of you who follow for John McRae updates, here they are. :)

19 things about John McRae at 19 Months...
1.) Today is the fourth day in a row that he has not cried when I dropped him off at daycare.
2.) He prefers milk and water.  He'd rather have either over juice or tea any day.
3.) John McRae waves at everyone passing by.  Even if he is inside and hears a car go by.  He's so friendly and doesn't understand why everyone doesn't wave back!
4.) John McRae loves our cows, and pretty much cows in general.  When he sees one he immediately says, "moo."
5.) Besides moo, John McRae says, "mama."  He hums pretty much everything else you try to get him to say.  He is definitely attempting the whole talking thing a lot more these days, though.
6.) He still can not stand for water to touch his head!  He still screams bloody murder EVERY night when I pour the water on his head to wash it, and then when I rinse it.  It's like it hurts him all over, and just thoroughly ticks him off all at the same time!
7.) John McRae is still sleeping with us, but I can say that he is sleeping more sound and sleeps through the night.
8.) The new toy of choice is blocks these days.  He will put together all of one color.  Then, he'll put together all of another color.  He's a smart kid!
9.) My boy eats. like. a. machine.  You can't fill him up!
10.) We are seeing even more of his personality.  He is the sweetest baby in the mornings, but he has the mentality of "John McRae's way or the highway!" 
11.) John McRae has learned to tell us no by shaking his head.  This really annoys me to NO end. ;)  He can also shake yes. 
12.) John McRae loves corn, bread, green beans and cheese.  I'm so happy that he actually enjoys vegetables!
13.) He knows just how to push our buttons and really thinks it is hilarious. 
14.) John McRae loves to look at pictures.  Especially those of himself.
15.) He still has the sweetest smile that instantly puts a smile on our faces.  His laugh is so precious. 
16.) John McRae still doesn't ride long distances well, but Barney helps it.
17.) He does not care for the dark.  He especially doesn't like riding in the car when it is dark.
18.) John McRae is playing by himself well.  You can see his little imagination running wild.  It's a sweet site!
19.)  John McRae has stolen our hearts, and seems to be attaching and bonding to Daniel and I so well.  He's an answered prayer, and our prayers regarding his transition and bonding are still being answered every day!

Love,
The Benefields :)

Halloween Weekend

Friday ...

Stacy had a Forestry Summit at the Old Capitol in Jackson.  So, Daniel took John McRae to daycare and picked him up for the first time.  John McRae's daycare held their Halloween party, and dressed as a MSU football player.  We have no pics of this event, but loads of candy came home with him!

 THANKS A LOT TO STEPHANIE MOLLETT FOR MAKING ME LOOK LIKE THE BAD MOM THAT DIDN'T SEND GOODY BAGS!  YOU KNOW YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO KEEP ME IN THE KNOW!  I take no responsibility ;)!

 Friday evening we were all pooped, we just chilled out.

Stacy & Lt. Gov. Phil Bryant

Stacy & Emily in front of the Old Capitol in Jackson, MS

As Cecil, Ken and I were leaving the meeting, we saw this cat carry this dead rat (?) down the tracks.  Jackson has some classy, historic places, but it is pretty hood. LOL

Old Capitol

Saturday morning...

We got dressed and went to Sandersville for their fall festival.  We got there at 11:30, and it didn't start until 1:00pm.  In D's defense, he was told it started "around lunch."  So, we went to Laurel and got a bit to each, stopping back by the festival.  We enjoyed seeing some friends, and some yummy cotton candy!  Here is the only picture we took there.

Saturday evening...

We parked at Cousin Lisa's and walked to Enterprise's fall festival.  It was so nice to see so many of our friends and family all together having a good time.  There were so many booths with yummy food, a mechanical bull, pony rides, a jumping thingy, and a big screen tv for the folks wanting to see the football scores!  We were so busy, we never made time to eat.  I really wanted to kick myself in the rear when I came home and ate that can of ravioli.

A few pics...

Sunday...

JMc went with his Gran to church.  D & S done a little house cleaning and went to Meridian making it home just in time to get to our church's fall festival.  It was a lot of fun, and JMc really enjoyed himself!  We all did!

and here is what you came for anyway...



Foster care adoption facts

Foster care adoption facts


On any given day in North America, more than 500,000 children are in the foster care system, and nearly 145,000 of them are available for adoption, just waiting for the right family to find them.



•There are 423,773 children in the U.S. foster care system; 114,556 of these children are available for adoption. Their birth parent's legal rights have been permanently terminated and children are left without a family.

•More children become available for adoption each year than are adopted. In 2009, 69,947 children had parental rights terminated by the courts, yet only 57,466 were adopted.

•Children often wait three years or more to be adopted, move three or more times in foster care and often are separated from siblings. The average age of waiting children is 8 years old.

•Last year, 29,471 children turned 18 and left the foster care system without an adoptive family.

•Adopting from foster care is affordable. Most child welfare agencies cover the costs of home studies and court fees, and provide post-adoption subsidies. Thousands of employers offer financial reimbursement and paid leave for employees who adopt and Federal and/or state adoption tax credits are available to most families.

•Every child is adoptable. Many children in foster care have special needs. All of them deserve the chance to grow up in a safe, loving, permanent home. Support and other post-adoption resources are available.

•Adopting from foster care is permanent. Once a child is adopted out of foster care, the birth parents cannot attempt to claim them or fight in court for their return. A family formed through foster care adoption is forever.

•According to a National Adoption Attitudes Survey commissioned by the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, 63 percent of Americans hold a favorable view of adoption and 78 percent think more should be done to encourage adoption.

•Nearly 40 percent of American adults, or 81.5 million people, have considered adopting a child, according to the National Adoption Attitudes Survey. If just one in 500 of these adults adopted, every waiting child in foster care would have a permanent family.



NOTE: Statistical source is Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System; Department of Health & Human Services (October 2009), unless otherwise stipulated.
 

It's November - Happy National Adoption Month!

It's National Adoption Month!

Each day, I will post facts to our blog about adoption.

So, please come back daily to learn something new. 

Gracious Answers to Awkward Questions About Our Adopted Kids

When we adopt a child who looks different from us, we generally feel we can handle the stares and loss of privacy that go with the territory. We may find, however, that the frequent questions and comments of strangers and relatives sometimes annoy and worry us. At the heart of our anger and anxiety is the fear that our adopted child will be hurt by thoughtless questions, or that their older siblings, who look less exotic, will feel neglected, but this need not happen.

It is reassuring to realize that even seemingly insensitive questions are nearly always well intentioned, and that they actually provide AN EXCELLENT OPPORTUNITY TO EXPRESS OUR DELIGHT AND PRIDE in our adopted children (as well as in their siblings who were born to us). The attention that our children receive is generally very positive, even when the inquirer's choice of words is not ideal.

Our answers to questions about a foreign-born child should also include any bio-kids who are present:

Q: Where did you get this dear little one? Where is she from?

A: She was born in Korea, and her brother here was born in Albany. (Most people will pick up on your inclusion of the older child and start including him, too, if you furnish answers about both to EACH question asked about the adopted child.)

We can start early to practice answers that will AFFIRM THE CHILDREN, preparing for the day when they will be old enough to understand:

Q: Isn't she a lucky little girl? What wonderful people you are!

A: We're the lucky ones, to have such a wonderful child!

Q: And do you also have children of your own?

A: Just these two. (This affirms adopted kids as our own.)

Q: Are they REAL brother and sister?

A: They are NOW! (This clarifies that adoption makes us a real family.)

Q: Where did he get that beautiful tan?

A: God gave it to him.

Q: How could the mother have given up such a lovely child?

A: It was very hard for the birthmother, but she just couldn't take care of ANY baby. (This reassures the child that there was nothing wrong with him or her.)

Q: What do you know about the real parents?

A: Well, we're his real parents, actually, since we're bringing him up.

Q: Oh, of course--I meant the natural parents.

A: We don't know very much about the birthparents. How have you been? How was your summer?

In nearly all cases, the questions reflect pleasure and delight in our families, and they can generally be answered very briefly and cheerfully, with a smile. If you are out shopping, it is fairly easy to avoid prolonging the discussion by saying, "Bye, now!" and moving from the peaches to the potatoes. If we are trapped into a longer conversation in a supermarket line or in a social situation (and the children are old enough to understand what is said), we have several options:

Give a constructive response, then change the subject.

Answer with, "I'm glad you're interested in adoption. Let me give you my phone number and we can talk later. Can you call me tonight?

Give at oblique answer, rather than a direct one, if it seems a direct answer to a particular question would be awkward for us, the questioner, or the children:

Q: How much does an adoption cons these days?

A: It's about the same as giving birth in a hospital, if you don't have maternity coverage and allow for complications.

Q: Do you have any pictures of his parents?

A: Oh, yes, we've got albums of our whole family.

Responses such as the above can gently educate others, especially if said with a smile. BUT WE ARE ANSWERING PRIMARILY FOR OUR CHILDREN'S EARS. In the few seconds that we have to prepare our response, we need to make a quick decision as to what words will best support our child's self-esteem, protect the child's privacy about his origins, and/or clarify that adoption builds "real" families with their "own" children. (The right answers come more quickly with practice.) Until more people learn the modern vocabulary of "birth parents" and "children by birth" we're bound to be asked occasional seemingly insensitive questions about the child's "real parents" and our "own" children. I believe that the fault is really in our outdated language more than in the person asking an awkward question. True, some people are not as sensitive as they might be, but usually they have a genuine interest and we would rather not embarrass them (and risk making things worse). We can generally find a gracious answer that will affirm the child without sounding critical of the person asking the question.

The key to a successful response is one that we can say in a friendly, matter-of-fact voice, without showing impatience or anger. It is easier to avoid annoyance with questions and remarks if we remember that

(1) we have chosen to build a family in a way that inevitably attracts attention but may help other children to be adopted, and

(2) the children needn't be hurt by others' questions and remarks if we respond appropriately.

An angry or rude retort on our part (even when it seems justified) is much more likely to cause our child distress and anxiety than anything a stranger, friend, or relative might say. It could signal to the child that there is something upsetting to us about him or his adoption. In a pinch, humor can save the day:

Q: Are you babysitting?

A: No time for that, now that I have these two of my own!

Q: Whose little darlings are these?

A: Ours! We adopted the big boys from Korea, and the two-year-old is homemade. (Some of us may find it helpful to volunteer all this information to forestall a subsequent question about whether the child who matches us is "our own".)

There are times when we may need to let a particular comment pass and help our child to understand it later. Recently my husband and I were entertaining one of his important clients, and our Colombian-born son was present. The client remarked that she had friends who had adopted two Korean children and later had had two children "of their own." It seemed best not to risk offending the woman by correcting her choice of words.. The next day I asked our son it he had been bothered by the remark, explaining it as a problem in our language. He replied that he hadn't minded it at all. I felt reassured that whatever damage might be done by others is within my power to assess, and to repair if necessary.

This incident was also a reminder to me that our kids are often more resilient than we imagine when it comes to weathering an occasional unfortunate remark. In our early discussions with our children about birth parents, we can explain that "real parents" are actually people who are bringing up children who are THEIR OWN by birth or adoption, and that many people are confused about this. This point should ideally be made before kindergarten, where other children may question our children about their "real parents" when we're not there to explain that THAT'S WHO WE ARE!

If we are upset by the frequency of well-intentioned friendly remarks, we can ask ourselves why this is so. Are we naturally rather private people who feel we weren't sufficiently warned by our agency or friends that a loss of anonymity is almost inevitable when our child is of a different race? Are we simply tired of explaining to new people, feeling that somehow they should know the answers that we've given to so many others? Is it painful to be reminded so often of our infertility by questions that focus on the fact our child is different? Our agencies stand ready to assist us with any post-finalization problems we may have, and our adoptive parent support group cane help as well.

Although we may not always feel comfortable about having our family the center of so much attention, the situation certainly does have its benefits. For one thing, the subject of adoption comes up naturally on many occasions, so we develop comfort in discussing adoption in our children's presence even before they understand the concept. Also, the encounters give us frequent opportunities to say positive, supportive things about our children (and about adoption) within their hearing. Some people have observed that adopted children who do not resemble their families often tend to feel more positive about their adoption than those who match their adoptive parents. This is presumably because the fact of adoption is so obvious that the subject has necessarily been an open one from the time of the child's arrival. It is something the child has always known, rather than a subject to be breached someday with trepidation as a potentially shocking fact of life.

Deborah McCurdy, MSW, is Adoption Supervisor at Beacon Adoption Center in Great Barrington, MA. She is also an adoptive mother.

Credits: Deborah McCurdy, MSW
http://www.adoption.com/